Free Non Boring History Class Today!
by ilfreitas
Summary: Sirius gives the first years a veeery important history class, waaay before all those goblin wars with weird names. It's about something amazing that happened in Rome. ...Or was it Greece? How much can the kids get currepted? Sirius/Remus One-sho


**Disclaimer:**** Remus married Tonks in the books. So obviously the books are not mine.**

AN: VOTE ON MY GAME _Pairings You Never Thought Of_ Oh, and on my poll! :D

**Free Non Boring History Class Today!**

Remus trusted Sirius. He really did. Okay, so his trust had been a little shaken since the Prank, but he still trusted Sirius with his life.

That doesn't mean he trusted the animagus to teach some first years.

The Marauders had overheard some first years complaining about failing at History of Magic because they all fell asleep in that class. At the time they had only laughed, remembering what was like and thanking Merlin for not having it anymore.

But then one day Remus found in the board of the Gryffindor common room an ad.

Made by Sirius.

Who decided after six years at Hogwarts now was the time to help the little icky first years.

In History of Magic, a class he hadn't failed only because Remus actually didn't use that class as nap time.

So Remus didn't really have a choice but to take James's Invisibility Cloak while he was in a Head Boy meeting, in the Sunday afternoon Sirius had decided to 'teach' the first years, now did he?

Sirius sat on an armchair by the fire and the Gryffindor first years all sat looking at him from the floor. Peter was playing chess with Frank close by, both also interested by Sirius tutoring.

Actually they weren't the only ones, almost everyone from their year was there, even some of the sixth and fifth year too.

So why would be Remus under the Cloak, instead of joining one of the groups of students who gathered for the show?

Well, Sirius had asked him not to go.

Therefore, of course Remus had to.

When Sirius cleared his throat everyone shut up and shushed so they could hear the seventh year boy.

"Okay, so today, my minions, I'm going to teach you an awesome History lesson. It's not about Goblin Wars, goblins with weird names, or anything like that. I," Sirius smirked "am going to give you your very first Not Boring History Lesson!"

Remus sat directly in front of Sirius, letting the mass of the first years between them.

"What I'm about to tell you is a real story that happened a long time ago, longer now that may have seen, before goblin wars, Quidditch, Merlin and all that stuff you hear from Bins. If you can hear him, I mean, I certainly didn't. Never found a desk so comfy for sleeping as I did in that class."

The youngsters laughed.

"But anyway, this story starts in ancient Greek. It starts when two twin babies were put on a basket which was let on loose in a river. A she-wolf found them and raised them as her own. They grew up and all that and in ancient Greek they found this awesome guy who became their friend."

Sirius made a dramatic pause.

"His name was Sirius."

Most of the audience rolled their eyes.

"Sirius was a guard of Orion, who was in love with a chick named Metrope and ended up cursed by Dionysius and died. Sirius then joined the twins, whose names were Remus and Romulus."

Remus sighed quietly under the Cloak. He knew his name was going to appear since he heard about the she-wolf.

"The problem was that both twins fell in love with Sirius, for he was as smart as handsome, and so very charming."

Peter snorted along with Frank.

"But the fight for Sirius's love did not last, because Sirius had already got his heart stolen by Remus. Accepting his defeat, Romulus got out of the country and founded Rome."

Remus gaped in shock. As everyone else did.

"Sirius and Remus were the first open gay couple in ancient Greek, and they were the ones who made it possible for the others open, and made Greek known for its acceptance of homosexuality. They were also the ones who discovered the amazing possibilities for gays. Like wanking each other off, blow jobs, rubbing against each other, and later the anal sex. They had many pleasur-"

"Okay, that's it." Remus got out of the Cloak after recovering from the shock "Sirius, shut up. Now. You're not going to talk about sex with first years." He scowled at him.

Everyone in the room stared at them.

"But, Moony, you had agreed to get us out of the closet, so why-" Sirius whined.

"Not by inventing some story and explaining to kids how we get each other off!"

Everyone gasped.

"Oh Merlin...I just admitted we..."

"You sure did, hon." Sirius got up and walked to him with a smile.

"Don't call me that." Remus mumbled before Sirius kissed him.

Sighing in defeat Remus put his arms around Sirius's shoulders and kissed him back.

"Why didn't you just kiss me in public, or something simple as that?" Remus sighed after they broke apart.

"It's more fun this way."

"I knew I couldn't trust you some first years." He shook his head.

"I knew you wouldn't trust me some first years."

"Git."

"Your git." Sirius gave Remus's nose a small kiss.

The girls in the room awe'd.

Remus got out of Sirius's arms and turned to the first years, who were all still staring at them.

"Okay, kids, forget everything he said. Remus and Romulus were semi gods, sons of Mars and a human; they were also the descendents of a Trojan prince. They were raised by a she-wolf. They end up getting them birthrights and win many followers, so they decide to found a new city. They disagree about where to make it, so they fought and Remus died. Romulus created Rome then."

He took a deep breath to continue. And snapped the hand Sirius was sneaking in Remus's waistband. Sirius had hugged Remus from behind during his lecture and rested his head on Remus's shoulder.

"Okay, so that was for Remus and Romulus. Orion was in love with Metrope but couldn't marry her. He got drunk and made some awful thing to her, so her father asked Dionysius to curse him. He was put into a coma and was blinded. When he woke up he was told by an Oracle he had to travel to east and let the sun strike his eyes. Orion did that and moved to Crete. There the goodness of the moon, Artemis fell in love with him. Apollo, the god of the sun was jealous of Orion and so challenged Artemis to hit a speck in the ocean. Artemis did so, but she didn't know that the speck was actually Orion, and therefore killed him. When she realised that she placed him in the heavens as a constellation. Orion, when was alive, had a hunting dog named Sirius, who after its owners death didn't stop searching hysterically for Orion, so Artemis put him and Orion's heels as the Dog Star."

Sirius frowned "As if I would ever look for my father."

"Well, yes, your version was wrong, to say the least. You didn't even say that Remus died."

"I couldn't kill you!"

"Sure, Sirius." Remus laughed "So," he turned to the youngsters again "do you have any questions?"

A few raised their hands.

"What's anal sex?"

"And what's wanking?"

"Can two boys really get together? How about girls?"

"God damn it, Sirius," growled Remus "You ruined a generation."

"I'm sorry, kidos," Sirius smiled at them "but this lesson is over. You can ask all that to our dear Head Boy, James Potter, when he gets back. Now, excuse us, we have another lesson to do back in our dorm, don't we Remus?"

Remus blushed "Well..."

"We sure do. Bye!" Sirius grabbed Remus's hand and pulled him upstairs, ignoring the wolf-whist and cat-calls.

"Don't use my bed!" Peter yelled at them "And warn when we can get up there!"

"The couch is mine!" Frank announced, already predicting a night out of the dorm.

00000

**Last night was a full moon so I wanted to post this by then. But I was so bloody tired that I couldn't even finish writing. xD**

**Sorry if any of those myths are wrong, or I ended up turning this fic boring because of Remus's lecture. I wanted to put the kids asking about, well, what they asked, so I had to put Remus telling the correct version. (besides, if you're like me, you like history, especially myths, so it can't be that boring xD) Correct by Wikipedia, who, as we all know, isn't always our best friend, and some other sites whose names I don't recall.**

**So please tell me if there's something wrong.**


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